Bear All

Canadian Recipes of the Great White North

Bear News Flash

This just in !  Park Wardens finally catch local camper leaving behind his garbage. Local authorities set up cameras to catch this guy in the act.  

After months of investigation the local camper was caught red-handed.  

The local bear community is relieved ! Now they don’t have to worry about being hunted down and shot for eating the garbage left by this illusive camper.  
The Park Wardens set up a sting called “BEAR-ALL” enticing the bad-mannered camper to a marked camping spot. The camping spot had all the comforts of home, like fresh-cut firewood, nicely shaded trees, it’s very own private outhouse and a Outdoor Cabana with a refrigerator stock with ice cold Canadian beer, ceiling fan and 4 luxury lounge chairs. 

Unknown to the camper, the camp spot was also equipped with 10 hidden cameras, disguised as harmless squirrels strategically placed in the cedar or Spruce trees.  

The Trap was set. 

Sure enough, during the Canada Day long weekend, a red-neck camper showed up with his used fifth wheel towed by an older red super-cab truck marked with skull and bone-crosses on each door panel.  

The cameras were rolling and this is what they captured: 

He’s described as a lean 6 ft tall man with scruffy bread and an embarrassing fashioned mullet hairstyle. His hat consisted of an oversized red baseball cap imprinted with a fishing logo, stating the obvious letters,”Go Fish”.
His outfit consisted of your typical camouflage hunters attire, while his T-shirt was pretty much a muscle-type shirt, even though his skinny-assed body was far fetched to see any muscle, whatsoever. The T-Shirt proudly boosted a logo of a scanty playboy star, with breasts the size of cannonballs.
During the evening, he wore your typical worn-out flannel shirt. Instead of proper outdoor shoes he was seen wearing work boots with most of the laces untied. He carried an eight inch hunting knife, which was commonly used to whittle unknown wood figurines. When he smiled, it appeared he hasn’t seen a dentist in years, showcasing either missing or rotting teeth. His hygiene would make the local wildlife head for cover.
It was also recorded, he had a bad habit of cussing and splitting wherever he went. Even though he had the use of a modern Outhouse, he was seen marking his territory throughout the campsite. 

Throughout his stay, this redneck camper regularly littered the campsite with beer cans, candy bar wrappings and unused food items. It was obvious, the Park Wardens had their man. 

After much discussion the Park Wardens decided the best solution to the overall problem was to tranquilize this sorry-ass camper and drop him off in the nearby city. It was also decided he would be permanently band from all provincial and federal Parks of Canada. He was also required to wear a leg-band to alert officials, if he so happened to go astray and venture back into the parks. 

The moral of the story? 

Griz Photo Credit: Tianndra Demers

Don’t blame the bears when you leave behind your garbage.
Instead of tranquilizing or shooting bears, maybe it’s time to tranquilize the inconsiderate people who litter or deface the Outdoors, causing endangerment to our local wildlife. 

This is the end of the NEWS FLASH – carry on and have a wonderful weekend.

By Bari Demers or otherwise known as Grandpa Bear 

One thought on “Bear All

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