Screenwriter Format

Black Angels - The Movie by Bari Demers
I’m working on improving my skills as a screenwriter by taking a course through the University of East Anglia online by means of the FUTURE LEARNING website. 
Throughout the next few articles, I will attempt to breakdown stories in a systematic approach by the aid of instructions by our instructors. 

Let me introduce the Educators

Screenwriter Michael Lengsfield : teaches scriptwriting at the University of East Anglia, where he specialises in the theory and practice of dramatic adaptation.

Christabelle Dilks : a writer and script consultant with a long track record in film and television drama. As an actor at the National Theatre and performing Shakespeare.
Tom Benn: a writer and tutor. His first novel, The Doll Princess (Jonathan Cape), was shortlisted for the 2012 Dylan Thomas Prize and the Portico Prize for Literature, and was The Daily Mirror Book of the Week.

Molly Naylor is a writer and performer. She is the co-writer and creator of After Hours (broadcast on Sky 1 in November 2015), a six-part comedy series directed by Craig Cash. She has been commissioned by theatres and organisations including BBC Radio 4, Sky TV, The Royal Shakespeare Company, The Bush Theatre, Oxford Playhouse.

Read their full profile HERE 

OK. One of our assignments is to develop character outlines of our choosing. So, of course, I picked Character COMMANDER CARDIN of my science-fiction screenplay, ‘BLACK ANGELS’.   

You can see a full list of my characters on my website

First, let me introduce the LOGLINE : Drug addict war hero seeks revenge for brother’s death, risking his crew in a mining expedition on planet ALPHA XL-420 for the priceless Red Crystal, essential to saving their species from a deadly virus.


COMMANDER CARDIN Art Credit : Minovo

  • Commander Cardin is an experienced member of the ROYAL EMPIRE GUARDS of KING OSIRIS.
  • On the outside, Cardin is a catch. A superficial war hero during the GREAT WAR OF THE RED STORM. The women love him. 
  • Underneath, he’s cold and calculated. Very cautious. 
  • He likes to be in control.
  • He’s a drug addict, but good at hiding his addiction.
  • He lost his brother in this war and he wants revenge for his brother’s death.
  • Commander Cardin is very aware of what he wants and he will do whatever it takes to get it. No one will stand in his way.
  • Cardin holds a dark secret that may cause havoc on the rest of his crew.

He has a new mission to attend to : PROJECT APOLLO – after the GODS OF APOLLO. Apollo was a god who could bring ill-health & a deadly plague.  To please the God Apollo by naming the project in his name, in hope to help rid of the deadly virus, plaguing their planet.

  • Cardin respects his religion, THE GODS OF SIRIUS, but gold & wealth are his main God.
  • He’s feels a certain responsibility for his crew, but if left with a decision to safe himself first, he would ditch his crew. 
  • His uncle KING OSIRIS has spoiled Cardin since he was a kid. An arrogant silver-spoon rich kid.
  • His intelligence is just on the verge of insanity. 
  • Cardin feels for his uncle, only because he looked after him. He’s willing to do anything for him. 
  • But, the only person Cardin truly loves, is himself.
  • Age : 40, Cardin has never married. A typical playboy. 
  • His new flame KAREN is making such an impact on his life, he’s considering settling down, BUT after the mission is done.
  • Cardin’s long time loyal friend is CHIEF MASTER SERGEANT RILEY RED MILLER. Cardin relies a 100 percent on RED. These two are inseparable comrades.


  • He’s almost 6 ft tall. Athletic with muscle tone, but NOT Mr. Muscle man-type. A lean killing machine with a pretty boy face. 
  • His hair is made of silver.
  • Cardin has Heterochromia of the eye (where one eye colour is different then the other). His left eye is coloured blue while his right eye is hazel brown.
  • He has a deep scare down his back from an old wound. 

Every ROYAL EMPIRE GUARDS has a tattoo, specific to honouring KING OSIRIS. Cardin’s IMPERIAL MARK TATOO is seared on his right upper chest. But that’s not all, he has even a more elaborate tattoo of a mythological dragon. It starts on his right arm and reaches to the back. He ordered this tattoo to hide his ugly scare on his back.

There you have it in a nutshell. This CHARACTER is a protagonist, but with an evil side. You can see more of my characters HERE

This concludes this exercise of developing character outlines for COMMANDER CARDIN. Soon, I will systematically go through the rest of my  CHARACTERS.
Please follow me here for a continuation of our screenplay studies and my stories from dreams to reality.


By Bari Demersscreenwriter and freelance writer  

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