Here’s a humor- filled version to all those annoying medical commercials we have all heard on TV. This is for Whitney Cummings who I believe, would find this hilarious.
By Bari Demers ( Canadian Eh?)
If You are living with Chronic Aches & Pains and your Life revolves around your Symptoms,
We can Help!
Ask Your Neurological Physician about “Rummy Bear”.
“Rummy Bear” is a new and improved medication for adults to relieve the annoying occurrence of Chronic Aches & Pains.
One Shot of “Rummy Bear” and You will immediately be relieved of all pain!
“Rummy Bear” has been proven to work for Adults who have tried other medications, such as alcohol or medical marihuana.
But, still they experience the symptoms of moderate to serve Chronic Aches & Pains, even after that painful hang-over or drug induced marihuana that makes you dress up like, A.K.A. , slutty Mary Jane.
In Clinical Studies the majority of patients on “Rummy Bear” have had significant symptoms relief, after only 6 weeks of using “Rummy Bear”!
Studies have shown a 38 % relief and many achieved a 27% remission.
“Rummy Bear” can lower your ability to fight Infections and some patients say its a “Cure for All Diseases”, such as Cancer,Tuberculosis or that nasty rash Infection you caught with your last date.
“Rummy Bear” is a soft gummy chewy little “Candy Bear” filled with a secret patent “Rummy” concoction of deadly juices.
Side Effects may occur.
Sometimes (meaning only sometimes and NOT all the time – we like to think this anyway) can cause “Severe Bubbling Eczema” to some patients, causing an extremely rare case of Brain Cancer, making your brain turn into “Jello Brain”,(which scientists say, it tastes exactly like grape Jello).
Blood Liver problems have occurred in some unlikely patients, but fortunately for the pharmaceutical companies, They Are Dead, unable to complain or sue our asses.
So scientists have not come to any scientific conclusion, that it really does exist!
Our blood-sucking Lawyers tells us, it’s all ” Hear Say” and according to Judge Judy, “Not Admissible” (meaning it does not exist).
And if Judge Judy says so, It’s the Law and that’s it!
Also, there has been radical reports of “Serious Nerve Infection” causing a strange twitching formation.
Scientists have referred this as the “John Travolta Fever Dance” where patients sometimes get the notion to enter into the International Dance Championships at the Metro Toronto Convention during Canada’s long winter months and copy John Travolta’s dance techniques.
It may also occur to patients who have one or more children, especially middle-age women!
Serious Heart Failure Problems have happened.
But not to worry, according to scientists of the “Happy Heart Foundation”, where it’s believed that anyone with a Happy Heart Membership* (read fine print below) is sure to avoid this serious problem.
Before taking “Rummy Bear” talk to your doctor.
Have him check for any evidence of T.B. or strange occurrences of jumping up and down in one spot for at least 5 minutes at a time.
Ask your doctor if You are acceptable to or been to any regions in the world where Fungal Infections are common,(By all means, your doctor should know where you are at all times).
Tell your doctor immediately, if after using “Rummy Bear”, you feel dizzy, fatigue, strange coughs or have developed any painful purple sores throughout your body, known as “jelly belly buttons” that, for strange reasons unknown, closely resemble belly buttons.
Tell your doctor if you have had Measles or any kind of “Pain in the Ass” Symptoms from fellow employees.
You should not start “Rummy Bear” if you have had any infections or recently been in a nasty divorce.
“Rummy Bear” is meant to make You Happy All the Time – If You Like It or NOT!
It May cause “Sudden Death” to those who can not swallow!
Ask your Neurological Physician about “Rummy Bear” today!
Get “Rummy Bear” today and Be Happy Every Day – Always!
Remission of Chronic Aches & Pains are now possible through the constant use of “Rummy Bear”.
Buy “Rummy Bear” for only $80 per shot.
This commercial is paid for by the “Lonnie Toonie Foundation” of the Loonie Toonies, subsidized by the Maple Leaf of Canada and it’s residence.
By local resident Loonie Toonie Bari Demers – who’s tired of hearing those annoying medical commercials.
*HAPPY HEART FOUNDATION :
Membership for a Happy Heart only costs $10,000 per year – which is very little to pay for a Happy Heart, considering the outcome of a sad heart.
Pay now and receive 2 Memberships for the price of 1 – that’s right!
For a limited time offer, 2-1 for $10,000 if you act in the next 5 minutes!
But that’s not all!
If you Act in the next 3 minutes, You will receive a stuffed “Happy Heart” Toy, which has been told by our scientists, to be a great Stress Reliever!
All You have to do is squeeze “Stuffy Happy Heart” twice a day and all your Heart Problems will Go AWAY! And make us extremely rich 🙂